The desire to be married, is something that many people harbor within them. They want to have someone that they can share the rest of their life with in marital bliss. And I was (sometimes still) one of them.
There were many times that I would ponder in my heart, the kind of husband that I wanted. I would then get on my knees every night, praying to my Lord, asking for a man that served Him, and would love me, and also love my child.
Yet, as the years moved slowly forward, I watched my family members and close friends marry off. I then began to think that perhaps, there was no man that wanted to marry me, a woman with a child with special needs.
“Who wants me, a mother with a child with special needs?”
Then I’d look at my son, and all that he required. My face would become downcast and tears would rush down my face, as I settled my heart and mind with the fact, that there was no man that wanted my life.
I stood to my feet, telling myself it was pointless to pray.
I knew how difficult it was for a single woman to locate a good man who could accept and love her children. So, I knew that it would be even harder for me having a child with special needs.
No man wanted a woman who was concerned with their child’s medical needs, behavior problems, and educational decisions.
No man wanted a single mother whose child would never leave home, or never go off to college to learn a skill, and to later move away. Yet, possibly live with them forever.
No man wanted my lifelong and permanent responsibility.
And I have tried to resolve myself to this fact, that I may never be married.
And as I write this, tears fill me, as I know the desire still dwells within me for a husband.
There is still a sense of hope that there could possibly be a man that loves my God and will love me, and my son, and his special needs will not matter.