There were many times while raising Nate that I needed a break. Caring for my son was more than difficult, with his tantrums and aggressive behavior. It was also exhausting because I was caring for a child who was completely dependent on me for all of his needs. And when the pressure of these responsibilities boiled within me, I found myself crying, for relief. I needed help with Nate so that I could regroup.
Asking someone to help with my son was not easy for me. I always felt as if I would inconvenience someone or that my son would be too difficult for them to handle. I didn’t want to place my burden on someone. So, before I could even ask for help, I changed my mind for those very reasons.
With me not seeking help, I cried complaining that I needed some time away to breathe and rejuvenate myself, so that I could return, better able to handle the task of being a mother to my child. Yet, with me now refusing to ask for help, the stress and anger began growing, as my frustration increased.
One day as I casually shared with a friend my need for help, I was asked why I hadn’t looked into receiving help from my family or seek professional behavioral services. I briefly explained my belief that I was the only one that could handle Nate and also that I didn’t want to burden someone with my son’s problems. The friend, immediately told me that my attitude and feelings were nothing, but pride. I was too proud to ask for help, because I believed that no one could care for Nate better than me and I thought I knew what was best.
At first I was offended by those words. I didn’t believe that not asking for help was pride. Then as I began to think about my friend’s words, suddenly it became clear. I was afraid to ask for help because it was a sign of weakness, not strength. I had created an appearance that I had my problems under control and I could handle them, which was not true. I didn’t want to look weak, but as a strong mother that could care for my child with special needs without any assistance. This was definitely pride.
It was then that I realized that I needed to swallow my pride. I had to have courage to seek help for myself, so that I could be a better mother to my son.