At 19 years of age when I had my son and learned that he had special needs, I believed that my life was over. Caring for Nate was going to require all of my time, energy, and strength. For this reason, I knew that working outside of my home was going to be nearly impossible.
For the first year, I continued to believe that my life had ceased. I knew that I couldn’t resume my college courses. And there was no way that I was ever going to be able to pursue the passion that burned in my heart since I was a child, writing.
So, over the next few years, the words “I can’t” became fixated in my mind. And with believing that, “I can’t,” I settled with working a part-time job, and then a few full-time jobs. I was thankful to be employed, however they did not fulfill me.
And when it came to writing, It has become a sporadic part of my life, as I believed that nothing would come of it, because I had to care for Nate.
Yet, I wasn’t satisfied. I longed for something more. I wanted to return to school, and I wanted to write. So, I made the decision to go back to school. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew that I had to do it. So I started with taking one class. I did this for some time, before I moved up to two, and then three classes, until my degree program was complete.
However, when it came to writing, I found it to be the most difficult. My busy schedule did not allow me to dedicate hours to daily writing. So, I made a schedule, to write, if only for 10 minutes. Soon, I had notebooks that were filled with pages of my work, from poetry, short stories, and semi-completed books.
As look back on that time, I really see that I had the wrong mindset. In addition to not thinking correctly, I also had my eyes on me, which as also wrong. Looking at myself, made me look at my own strength. Instead my eyes and mind should have been steady on God. And the moment that I focused them on God, I realized that, “I can do all things…. through Him.”