There was a time period when I wanted to live my life in hiding. Staying home in my warm familiar surroundings was a precious comfort for me. I didn’t want to be bothered or in the company of family or friends. I just wanted to live my life privately and raise Nate.
I had this belief that hiding or limiting my interactions with others would lessen the numerous questions and inquires into Nate’s diagnosis. People always wanted to know what was going on with us. Even if I answered their questions in the past, it seemed as if they had new ones, on top of new ones. That was extremely annoying and irritating. At times, I simply didn’t want to talk about my child’s diagnosis.
So to avoid anyone bothering me, I decided that it would be better if I kept to myself…..alone…..away from others.
That desire to stay away, seemed to work for a while, as I ignored invitations or request to attend events or gatherings from family and friends. I made excuses saying that I was tired, or had things to do with Nate, or I needed to study for school. Or other times, I simply told people that I was not interested in attending.
After some time of pushing my excuses off on others, it became difficult to stay recluse and stuffed in my tortoise shell of a life. My family and friends, who loved me, were persistent in having me come to events, and they always demanded that I bring Nate. Their constant push for me to be there made it extremely impossible for me to stay away.
Now, I smile when I think about that time because I see that their demand for me to attend events was good for me….and for Nate. I truly believe that their desire for me to come out and fellowship, stopped me from driving into a dark pit of depression, which would have been worst on my life.
The care and affection that my family and friends had for me helped me to stop hiding and to stay in the light of their love….but most importantly, the light of the love of God.