Over the years, I spend a lot of time praying for God to change my son.
“Lord, heal Nate!”
“God, please change my son’s behavior!”
“Make Nate act better!”
“Stop him from hurting me!”
…..And the list of request for God to “fix” my son, went on and on, as I watched his behavior remain the same.
I became frustrated with God. I didn’t understand why He wasn’t answering my prayers. Was I asking too much? Did I use the right language? Perhaps I needed to grovel and beg more? Maybe my request needed to sound less demanding, but sweeter, filled with honor and reference for the creator of the universe.
I wasn’t sure what I needed to do, or say for God to answer me. I just wanted him to stop Nate’s bad behavior and make it better. Yet, God did not.
It wasn’t until later when I complained to a friend about my unanswered prayers in regard to Nate’s behavior. That was when she asked a question.
“Should you be praying for a change in Nate or for “you” to be changed?
That didn’t make any sense. Why would I pray for “me” to change? I wasn’t the one with the behavior problems. She then reminded me of an expression….
“God may not change the situation, but he may change you.”
Did I need change? To be honest, the answer was, YES! I wasn’t the happiest person during those years of struggling with Nate’s behavior. I was angry, frustrated, and annoyed that God wasn’t changing my child. And deep down, I knew I needed to do something else, because I didn’t like the person that I had become.
It wasn’t easy, but slowly, I began to pray…..
“God change me.”
“Help me to see Nate differently.”
“Give me “Your” heart and attitude to care for my son.”
“Bless me with a servant’s heart.”
The moment my prayers shifted from fixing and changing Nate, but fixing and changing my heart and attitude, I could see a difference in my life. I was able to see Nate through the heart of my savior and serve him with the happiness and joy of the Lord.